So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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