Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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