So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
