I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Your penis caused this!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
