I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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