Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
