pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
