so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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