I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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