you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
