he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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