1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can you bring me the toilet please
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
