I'm really into asian looking animals
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
