I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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