I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
