My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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