i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
