Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
