1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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