i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
