I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
