I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
last night I used snow as a chaser
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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