My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
