The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
