Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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