My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize