Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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