Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
