And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
