I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
