i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Operation Purity has been aborted
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
