I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
