Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
