Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
