My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize