I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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