I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
