please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
