i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
