Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Jerry, you need to find god
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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