Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
soo... how was my night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
