JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
