i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
