I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
