Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize