dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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