the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
