with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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