i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
