how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
