haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize