shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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