she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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