I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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