Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
