It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You don't make any sense
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