Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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