i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
