I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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