it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
