it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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