And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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