The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
