I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize