last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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