my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
